The Dangers of Wearing the Wrong Pants

An Actual Blog Post Written by someone who could possibly be David Manning (or a semi-reasonable facsimile thereof.)

It has come to my attention that in spite of my best efforts, there are still people who are reading this Blog. Although I had hoped that I could ignore this problem and it would eventually go away, this does not seem to have been the case. So, by slightly popular demand, I am now taking some time out from the busy life of a millionaire jet-setter (made especially busy by not necessarily having the million bucks or the jet that such a lifestyle tends to require) to ameliorate the recent lack of posts on this Blog. And go look up what the word "ameliorate" means, because I really shouldn't be using words like that when I make someone write Blog posts without knowing what they're supposed to mean. I also suppose that I should attempt to bring everyone up to speed on some of the events of the last few months, as aside from that bit of unpleasantness with the whole exploding Michael Jackson bit, most of you have no clue what I've been up to lately. I should probably keep it that way, but seeing my face on the milk carton every time I try to eat cereal is starting to get old, so here goes.

To tell you the truth, there hasn't been much time for blogging recently. After all, having angry mobsters chasing after you tends to take up a lot more of your time than you might think. How was I supposed to know that wearing the wrong pair of pants to some random Italian restaurant was THAT dangerous? And before you start doubting my story, there were in fact angry mobsters chasing after me. Complete with grainy sped-up black and white film, really fast piano music and all sorts of zany comic pratfalls along the way. In fact, if I hadn't crashed my car into into a paddy wagon full of Keystone Kops at a high rate of speed on 34th street, I'd probably still be running away right now, instead of limping away bandaged up on a set of shockingly convenient crutches. At least all the mobsters ended up behind bars in striped suits dragging around a ball and chain, so I think I'm safe for now. If nothing else, at least I managed to learn a valuable lesson in the process about the potential dangers of unfortunate fashion decisions. Oh, and I also learned that those big fancy captions tend to pop up on the screen at really inconvenient times.

Aside from some stuff about being an Elders Quorum President and trying to maintain something resembling a social life, that's pretty much what my life has been like for the past few months. Tune in six months from now for another vaguely exciting chapter in the continuing story of David Manning...

Editor's note: Scandalous rumors floating around the Internet seem to suggest that David Manning may in fact be making someone else write this stuff, and his actual life may not be anywhere near this boring. David semi-vehemently denies these accusations. Sort of.

Salute my shorts

As a side effect of one too many volleyball digs in shorts not approved for volleyball, I say goodbye to a beloved pair of shorts. My "Get Lucky" shorts ain't lucky no mo'.

Functional living

I have two belts that are identical except one is black and one is brown. I wear the black one more often. Yesterday I wore the brown one simply because it would decrease the amount of wear in the black belt. Who makes decisions like this? What is wrong with me? On the plus side, it keeps me frugal.

The new place

Some people have asked to see pictures of my new apartment. (You know who you are!) For you, I dedicate a small portion of my blog.

I was somewhat surprised at how hard the decision was to find an apartment. I figured I would look at several options, and one would stand out as being "the best". It turned out that it was hard enough to narrow it down to 3 or 4, much less one. Regardless, I made my choice, and here is where I live and why.

One of the main reasons I chose this apartment was because of the size. The living room, dining room, and kitchen areas were much larger (up to 50%) and much more open. The apartment also boasts 11' ceilings. Some may consider that too open for an apartment, but I enjoy it. What I would like to change would be to have one of the walls painted, and to add some throw pillows to the couch. Oh yeah... a coffee table or dining room table wouldn't hurt. See for yourself in the following pictures: (If you don't want to click on all the links, you can see the whole album at http://picasaweb.google.com/smerkerg/Apartment)

Living area from the entrance
Living area from the back
Living area from the kitchen (most apartments had the kitchen very separated, not open like this)
Pantry in the kitchen (no other apartments I saw had as much storage space, especially in vital locations like the kitchen)
Kitchen from dining area
Kitchen - proof that it is my apartment!
"Dining Room" - further proof that it is my apartment!
In-wall bookshelf, more storage space

The bedrooms and bathrooms are nothing amazing compared to other places I looked. If they had some of the amenities here that were to be found in other apartments, it would have made this apartment that much more appealing.

Walk-in closets
Master bedroom
Master bathroom
2nd bathroom

The other downside to the apartment is the location. It was a little farther from work than I was hoping for, but so far the commute really hasn't been too bad. I don't mind driving too much, and I am exploring some other bus options as well. Hopefully I will get to the point where I can be on a work schedule that starts and/or ends during non-peak traffic times.

All in all, I've been pretty happy with my choice, and I'm enjoying the experience of having my own place!

B- for life

I recently graduated from college. During my last semester, I eventually grew tired of one of my courses, and felt it no longer as necessary. So I didn't go for the last 2 weeks and stopped completing the assignments. It was an empowering feeling, one that I had not previously felt during my college career. I felt good, until I realized that my A in the class had turned into a B-...

It was then that I began to consider what I had done. Was it worth it? I had always been diligent in my studies, and received good grades for my effort. Was this something I would regret for the rest of my life? It turned out that while it may have lowered my GPA, it didn't change my graduating status at all. I graduated magna cum laude with my B-, and I would have graduated magna cum laude without it.

Of course, no one should want to lead a B- life, and that's not what I'm condoning. If I had a B- average, I obviously wouldn't have been able to graduate with academic honors. So when is it ok?

Life is all about balance. What did I do with the extra time, effort, and attention that became available when I gave up on that course? Did I devote those resources to something more meaningful? Unfortunately not. And that made me think.

What does my life's report card look like? Do I have an A in my career and a C in my relationships with friends and family? Am I graduating with honors in my plans for the future while having to take remedial classes for serving and caring for others? Who will look at my life 50 years down the road and give me a B-? What am I doing about that?

Who would have thought that my decision to be a slacker would cause so much introspection? I may have got a B- in the class, but if it helps me to earn an A from those I interact with... I'll consider it the best grade I ever got.

Forgotten memories

It's nice to talk to family and talk about memories that I have since forgotten. It just goes to show how easy it can be to forget about something that happens in your own life, and how helpful it can be to write it down, whether physically or virtually.

There was the time when my dad was mowing the lawn and out of nowhere the sliding glass door shattered. We assume it was a rock, but I like to think the sound coming from the lawn mower reached just the right pitch to match the glass door's natural harmonic frequency.

We went to Disney World several years in a row when we lived in Ohio. We then moved to Florida, and my parents were thinking of taking us to Disney World again. They asked us if we wanted to go and, much to their surprise, got a ho-hum response. We ended up going to a nearby hotel, had some fun on the beach, and we each got $50! My parents still tell that story to other families that talk about taking such vacations, and they get a kick out of it.

I should make a habit of writing down stories like these so I don't forget them like I did these. So one other one that I haven't forgot: we went to play at the beach during Hurricane Georges. Of course, we only went down to the bayou behind our house, but it was still a lot of fun. There were waves nearly 6 feet high in a location where 1 foot waves were considered big. I can only imagine what the waves were like on the Gulf coast. We also jumped on the trampoline during the hurricane. Now that's a good memory.

The most influential dates in my life

1. December 1983, in a military hospital
2. July 1995, in a military hospital
3. Spring/Summer 1997(?), in a Florida forest
4. December 1998, in my backyard
5. December 1999, in Kent stake center
6. June 2001, in Kent, WA
7. October 2003 in Seattle, WA
8. December 2003, in Provo MTC
9. February and September 2004, in Миасс, Russia
10. February 2005, in Челябинск, Russia
11. October-November 2005, in Пермь, Russia
12. June 2006, at Provo airport
13. December 2007, in Provo, UT

Many of these events are very personal, and some are events that many have gone through. It was an interesting exercise thinking of these events though. Which events are responsible for who you are?

Phobia(s)

I don't know the technical term for each of my fears but here they are in no particular order:

1. snakes
2. the unknown
3. water beneath me in lakes and oceans (may be related to #2)
4. dying alone
5. sterilizing myself or developing cancer from use of electronic devices, specifically cell phones
6. sticky hands (not so much a fear as a manifestation of OCD - see also sink eater/trash eater for those familiar with the terms)

That's all I can think of but it's been a long day. I'm in Italy now.